the cute sweet one..

we did a workshop on setting healthy boundaries in a healthy romantic relationship yesterday.

it was a hodge podge of activities that we drew up within less than a week. Desperaton can make one do wonders. One improvises as one goes along with whatever resources one has.

The group activity on constructing a building was really an eye opener. Each team consist of a couple, a helper and a saboteur. The function of the saboteur was to...what else...sabotage the couple from completing the building. The couple construct their relationship with the building as a metaphor of the end product of their relationship. If the two of them are in sync, even without words  they would be able to communicate to each other their personal vision of desired outcome.

Every couple would have their own ups and downs: the Helper is what connects the two while the Saboteur is what pulls them part.

Sometimes in life we don't realise the saboteur is the one who looks so cute and sweet, to the point that we become distracted; losing focus of who is our real partner. At times, we are able to turn that negativity into something positive for our relationship. And sometimes the saboteur actually becomes our ally. 

of love, relationships and the in-betweens...

... love yourself enough, so that you will attract someone who will love you enough...

A dear friend is getting married for the fourth time. 

I remembered waiting for her at the cafetaria of the syariah court; watching the flicker of pain in her face as she came in after finalising her third divorce. That look stayed with me until now. As much as the divorce was inevitable; as much as the marriage was a farce due to his abusive and cheating behaviours, it could not lessen the heart wrenching pain of another failed relationship.

Someone whom i had known for 17 years, has gone through 5 marriages and numerous in-betweens. "Lina, i am lonely." A person who is contented with himself is never lonely. He enjoys his solitude. You have to accept that you were the constant in all these relationships and accept that their reaction towards you is a reflection of your action towards them.

Another said with pride she has had more than 20 relationships; it always begun with "he was there when i was down..." and ended up with "... i don't want to talk about it. he was a creep..."

It would be a lie, i am sure, that no matter how many relationships you have had, to say that your every break-up did not hurt. It tears into your self-esteem and questions your self-concept.

It is said that if we don't learn from the past, we can then predict our future. There are patterns in our life events and how those events turn out is entirely based on our choice. WE can chose to live crappily  or to strive to live a life of self-actualising.

But first.... to accept reality...WHO and WHAT are you? When you look into your soul, do you like what you see? If you were another person, would you want to live with you? Would you want to have a relationship with someone like you?

Because what you see of yourself, you will reflect it back to the world. And if you do not like yourself, you may end up hurting others....

...and if you give so little of yourself, how can you expect more from the other person?

write to me or skype me if you need someone to talk to.